Name: Kai Curtis
Aliases: Kal, The Pelkus, Pantless Facelicker
Date of Birth: 12/14/79
College: Digipen Institue of Technology (AKA Digimon U.; AKA Nintendo U.)
Program of Study: Video Games (Keep your damn hands of my degree!)
Weapon of Choice: Instant Superfine
Weakness: Women. I mean, REALLY.
Theme Song: "True Happiness This Way Lies" by The The
See here one Kai Curtis, aged 20 years young. A face that holds the promises of brilliance, exuberance, and the American Dream. These promises were once the Boy Scout badges that made every girl want to be pinned by him, that made every suburbian mother say, "I can't wait until the fine young Curtis boy grows up to be a lawyer, married to MY daughter." Just imagine good ol' mum laughing it up with suburban Dad and Mr. and Mrs. Kai Curtis, Esq., as he rests his feet in front of the fire, smoke lazily curling from his pipe.
Alas, these promises appear as distorted memories through the tumescent sea of cynicism and bitterness in which they are awash, barely visible through the iridescent slick of sardonic self-deprecation which floats on top. But as Kai re-establishes contact with his inner geek, tapping the latent power of his comic collection, his Atari, and his piss-poor history with women, he shall wave his hands and the plague which has settled over him shall be split asunder!